It is with a wry smile that I received the news this morning that our country's favourite cold-weather past-time will finally return, just hours after witnessing a geekishly fantastic version of the sport played alongside the wild abandon of Shakespeare's second tetralogy.
It's Fringe time again in Toronto, and Upstart Crow Theatre Group is back with their Shakespearean Sports Canon, which has previously brought such summer delights as the tragically ghoulish Shakespeare World Cup and the uproarious Comic Olympics. Somewhere along the line I missed the Roman plays in the Gladiator Games and the progenitor histories in Shakespeare's Rugby Wars, but I managed to catch the final slotting of the remains of the canon in this year's Shakespeare's NHL: National History League, in what I'm starting to call "the poor woman's Stratford experience."
After the dastardous clash between fiendish owner Henry VIII, his sympathetic-to-the-players wife Katharine and the sinister Commissioner Wolsey, the NHL season appears to be at a standstill. Desperate to make up for lost revenue, the Elizabethan Hockey Association allows a rebroadcast of some of the better games of their original six: Richard's Rangers, Bolingbroke's Bruins, Hotspur's Black Hawks, Glendower's Red Wings, Monmouth's Maple Leafs and the French Habs.
Offering post-hoc commentary throughout are John "I wrote it all by myself, I swear" Fletcher and John "Grapes" Falstaff, the latter constantly prating about "the good old days when I coached Prince Hal, my best buddy Number Five." Punctuating the action are progress reports on the lockout by man-on-the-ground Raphael Holinshed, who keeps losing his microphone, while the action is refereed by Willy the Bard himself (who, Fletcher notes, took this job because he's "avoiding domestic responsibility").
The first game they rebroadcast is a matchup between the Rangers and Bruins, which is interrupted by a bit of on-ice fighting between Bruins' center Henry Bolingbroke and soon-to-be-traded to Glendower's Redwings, Thomas Mowbray. Shakespeare sets up a penalty shot between the pair, which Richard quickly interrupts to send the two to the penalty box indefinitely (divine right allows kings to interrupt play, it appears). Richard II then breaks into a fancy ice-dancing routine ("Influence of the damn frogs," complains Falstaff), only to have his golden helmet stolen by he opportunistic Bolingbroke.
Once he's got the helmet, Bolingbroke's a bit too preoccupied between an odd alliance between Hotspur's Black Hawks and Glendower's Redwings to focus much on family affairs, but he isn't particularly impressed by the antics of his son Harry who's been lagging in his defence and drinking way too much beer with that farm team, the Eastcheap Rogues. Soon enough however, Harry shakes his couch critic hangers on and makes good on his stickhandling promise, scoring the winning goal in a battle against Glendower and bringing the BlackHawks to their knees. It's at this point that he strips his jersey to reveal his true calling as the leader of the greatest team in the league: Monmouth's Maple Leafs.
Despite Bolingbroke's protestations of "I'm not dead yet," the nets are cleared while his funeral car ("CAR!") passes, and Monmouth prepares his meagre team for a five-on-ten-thousand battle. "Anyone who wants to leave, can,'" he declares, only to haul his team back by the ears. "It's a soliloquy, for goodness' sake. It's only a rhetorical effect. Get back here." In a triumphant sequence of play (with some judicious calls from the ref), Monmouth's Maple Leafs slaughter the French in a shut-out and take the game.
The Maple Leafs win Lord's Stanley's Cup, pulled, still steaming, from his jock strap, just as Holinshed announces an end to the NHL lockout. Wolsey has been divested from his seal (stuffed, white, and very cuddly), and the EHA will be in full force again next year.
Alas, unfortunately Upstart Crow's revels here are ended. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Adieu, adieu, and thanks - I'll remember you.
I'm afraid you lost me at tetralogy, which is not to say I wouldn't love to see one of these things. It's just that I can't keep the teams straight :-(
Posted by: Josh | July 14, 2005 at 14:11