Hey, girl-girl, how's tricks?
Rudy and the boys are getting over their bout of scurvy that got picked up on their latest trek trying to get to the ends of the Earth. Rumour has it they got much closer this time...apparently there's some fool Columbus something-or-other that keeps spreading the word that the world is round. Dumb fool. And the next thing they'll be saying is the sun goes round the world stead of t'other way round. Imbeciles. Never again will I trust one of them scientists. They're always trying to convince you of something or other. Like I don't get enough of that already from Rudy.
Larkin won his last joust, barely. The other fella nearly ran him through twice, but Larkie was able to dodge the lance. The twelfth pass, though, was magnificent. Larkie ran that fella through like a hot knife through butter, and didn't even fall off his lawnmover or nuthin. Speaking of butter, we haven't had any for a dog's age, not since that cow shortage. How is your farm a-holding anyway? Did that sheep plague hit you too? We lost our best ewe last may to some sort of fungus. Unfortunately the shaman thought it best not to, otherwise we would've made use of the meat. Them sheep steaks can be real good if you char them right.
Rudy says in that you're-o-peein' state they've found a way to make soup out of dirt. It's called vishy-swoise, or some sort of nonsense. Billy-Joe tried to make the stuff last week, but it wasn't half as good as his mud pie.
Oh - I got a real funny story about Billy-Joe's mud pie. Last week, he and his buddy Screwy Bill were having a baking day, making puddle cookies and surprize muffins, when Georgie Sue asked for a mud pie for her own self, special. Sure, the boys 'bliged Georgie Sue, (I'm still sure that there'll be a fine ol' weddin' fore we know it between Georgie Sue and Billy Joe. They've known each other forever, bein' cousins and all, and damned if I don't seem em two, three times a week playing doctor in Zeke's tool shed. Mable Jane says that those doctor games are just what them crazy teenagers are into these days, and that sooner or later they'll be back playing 'photographer' again. I don't agree, but you know Mabel Jane, she always has to have the last word).
So anyway, Georgie Sue asked for a mud pie, special, and so Billy Joe sent Screwy Bill to get some fresh dirt from the yard. Well, dumbass Screwy Bill don't go into no yard, the fool done gone into the pasture field. Well, he got some fresh dirt all right, but he also got some fresh patty, if you take my meaning. They was all mixed into the dirt bucket together, and when Billy Joe was making the pie, he don't notice the dirty in the bucket. When Georgie Sue got her pie, she was so excited she done got a fork straightaway to eat it. She took one bite and said to Billy Joe that it was the best pie she'd eaten, ever. Screwy Bill just kept on laughing and laughing, and nobody could nohow figure out why. He asked Georgie Sue if the pie remember her of anything, like the time she fell face first into some fresh daisy leavings the last time they were in the pasture. She said no, and Screwy Bill said that's funny, cause that there's a dung pie and it should taste much better fresh than it done cooked! Georgie Sue turned bright red and said that she wasn't going to play doctor with Billy Joe nor more, nor Screwy Bill neither. She said that she was glad that she was keeping company in secret with Waterpump Hurley, and that he was the only one she was going to let touch her stethoscopes from now on.
Billy Joe was so upset, he dragged Screwy Bill out of the kitchen by the neck and stuck him face first into daisy, if you take my meaning. Daisy was so upset, that naturally, she let nature go, and there was Screwy Bill covered from top to toe in the finest manure this side of dirty creek. It was the funniest thing I ever saw, and I laughed so hard I nearly split, and my rumatiz was upset for a week.
Well then, Billy Joe done got hisself all dolled up and went to Georgie Sue's place, got down on his knees and asked if she would done accept his sorries, cause he done had no idea that Screwy Bill would do such a dangblasted thing, and that he thought that Georgie Sue had the best darn stethoscopes in the whole town, and to please, please let him listen to them again. Well, I'm not sure what she said next, cause Mabel Jane, who was listening to the whole exchange, got her attack of rumatiz just then. She was the one who told me that part of the story, and she was listening from the back porch. Well, I don't know what Georgie Sue said, but I saw Billy Joe and Georgie Sue playing doctor again, in my woodshed, and I've seen Waterpump Hurley wandering lonely-like around town. So, that's my story, and I still think that there'll be a weddin' any time now.
That's about the tun of stories round this part of town, hopin to be seeing the likes of you round here soon. Save tricks,
Sarah-Lou
